Sex Offenders as Fathers — The Hidden Impact on Children
When we picture a sex offender, we rarely think of them as a father pushing a child on a swing, standing at the school gate, or tucking their son into bed at night. But in the UK today, many sex offenders are indeed fathers — and thousands of children are quietly growing up in the long shadow of their crimes.
According to the most recent figures, there are approximately 95,844 registered sex offenders in England and Wales, with an additional 4,358 in Scotland. While the public registry tells us how many people are being monitored for sex offences, what it does not reveal is how many of these individuals have children. There is no national statistic that answers this directly. Yet when we look at the surrounding evidence, the reality becomes clearer and more unsettling.
A government data-matching exercise from 2012 found that around 24–31% of female offenders had one or more children under the age of 18. While similar data for male offenders is not published, it would be naïve to assume the numbers are significantly lower. In fact, many male offenders were fathers before their crimes came to light — meaning that their children are often caught in the crossfire, collateral damage in an unfolding story they never chose to be part of.
Each month, approximately 300 families in England and Wales are impacted when a parent — often the father — is arrested for online child sexual offences. That’s 3,600 families a year, and potentially thousands of children whose lives are permanently altered. As Deputy Chief Constable Ian Critchley has said, these are the “hidden victims” of sexual crime: the sons and daughters of sex offenders, who suffer in silence. Their names aren’t in court transcripts. Their pictures aren’t shown on the news. But the consequences for them are no less traumatic.
These children often experience profound emotional, psychological, and social harm. Some are bullied or ostracised when others discover their parent’s offence. Others internalise shame, confusion, or even guilt — trying to reconcile the image of the parent they loved with the actions that led to the arrest. And some, tragically, end up repeating the cycle. Research from Crest Advisory shows that 65% of boys with fathers in prison go on to be involved in the criminal justice system themselves.
Despite this, the legal and therapeutic systems are still poorly equipped to support these children. There is no consistent process for tracking the welfare of children whose fathers are placed on the Sex Offenders Register. Local authorities may intervene when safeguarding risks are high, but many children fall through the cracks — especially if the offending parent is no longer living in the home or if the offence was historic rather than recent.
We must also confront another uncomfortable truth: many sex offenders convicted of offences against children were not strangers. They were fathers, stepfathers, uncles, or family friends. In the UK, more than half of all convicted child sexual abuse offenders are classified as paedophiles, and the vast majority are male. This further complicates the picture: some children grow up not only in the shadow of a father’s conviction, but as direct victims of their father’s abuse.
And yet, the conversation about fatherhood rarely touches this territory. We talk about “deadbeat dads,” “weekend dads,” or “absent dads.” But we rarely talk about the fathers whose absence is forced by a conviction — or whose presence is still allowed despite a sexual offence.
As uncomfortable as it is, these men exist. They are in our communities. Some are still parenting. And many of their children are silently suffering.
If we are to understand the full picture of fatherhood — including the ways it can fail, harm, or betray — we must not look away. We must ask the hard questions. How do we protect children while also holding space for the possibility of rehabilitation? What do we owe the children of offenders, and how do we support them in the aftermath? How can we as therapists, social workers, and citizens sit with the truth that not all fathers are safe — and that some wounds are passed down like a legacy?The answers won’t come easily. But we must keep asking.
Most Common Sex Offences Men Are Arrested For:
- Sexual Assault - Any non-consensual sexual touching or groping.
- Rape - Non-consensual penetration, often prosecuted under serious criminal law.
- Child Sexual Abuse - Any sexual activity involving a minor (under 16 in the UK). Includes both physical abuse and online grooming.
- Possession of Indecent Images of Children - Being found with child pornography, including images or videos stored digitally.
- Online Grooming - Using the internet to build trust with a child to later exploit or abuse them sexually.
- Voyeurism - Secretly observing or recording someone without consent for sexual gratification (e.g., hidden cameras).
- Indecent Exposure - Intentionally exposing genitals in public to cause alarm or distress.
- Sexual Communication with a Child - Sending sexual messages or content to someone under 16.
- Incest or Familial Sexual Abuse - Sexual activity with close relatives or abuse within the family.
- Revenge Porn / Distributing Private Sexual Images Without Consent - Sharing explicit photos or videos of someone without their consent.
- Sexual Activity in a Public Place (Outraging Public Decency) - Engaging in sexual acts where the public can see.
- Soliciting / Paying for Sex with a Minor - Attempting to or paying for sex with someone under the legal age.
- Attempted Rape / Attempted Sexual Assault - Where intent is proven but the act was not completed.
Why does seeing your father get arrested mess teenage boys up so much
The Father Is the First Mirror for Manhood
For many boys, their father (or father figure) is their first model of what it means to be a man:
- *“How do I speak?”
- “How do I hold my ground?”
- “How do I protect, lead, love?”*
Even if the father is flawed, abusive, or distant, a boy still builds part of his identity around him. So to suddenly see this figure powerless, shamed, handcuffed, taken away, can be a psychological rupture. The boy might not be able to process it intellectually, but emotionally it registers as:
“If that’s what happens to men… will it happen to me?”
“Is he weak? Is he evil? Then what does that make me?”
2. It Violates a Core Sense of Safety and Predictability
Children, especially between ages 3–10, thrive on consistency and trust. They may believe that their dad is "the strongest man in the world," or at least someone who can keep them safe.
When police come in — often with force, shouting, maybe even dragging him away — it flips the world upside down.
Suddenly:
- The protector is powerless.
- The home becomes unsafe.
- Authority feels frightening, not protective.
That instability plants a deep seed of fear, hypervigilance, and mistrust.
3. It Can Shatter Their Understanding of Right and Wrong
If the father is arrested for a serious crime like sexual abuse, the child may now face unbearable confusion:
- “How can he be both my dad and a monster?”
- “If I still love him, does that make me bad too?”
This moral confusion can cause shame, self-hatred, and long-term identity fragmentation — especially if other adults try to suppress the conversation or protect the father’s image.
4. Witnessing Violence or Arrest Is Trauma in Itself
Clinical studies show that children who witness an arrest — especially of a parent — often display symptoms similar to PTSD:
- Sleep issues
- Panic attacks
- Aggression
- Freezing or withdrawal
In a boy, especially, that trauma may not show as sadness — but as rage, acting out, or defiance. He's overwhelmed but doesn’t have the language or support to name what happened.
5. The Arrest Often Begins a Domino Effect
An arrest isn’t a one-time event. For many boys, it’s the trigger for:
- Social stigma (“Your dad’s a nonce!”)
- Financial instability (loss of income, housing issues)
- School performance issues
- Mental health decline in the remaining parent
- Loss of extended family contact
He may not just lose his father — he may lose his identity, routines, relationships, and a sense of belonging all in one go.
6. Boys Often Internalize or Imitate
This is crucial: many boys don’t separate themselves from their fathers. If Dad is violent, arrested, hated — a boy might think:
“I’ll never be good enough.”
“This is who I’ll become too.”
“I have to be tougher, harder, scarier.”
Or, on the flip side, they may collapse inward, believing they are broken or doomed — leading to depression, self-harm, or substance use later on.
7. When the Silence Is Louder Than the Arrest
Often, after the father is taken away, the house goes quiet. Family members — especially mothers or guardians — may avoid talking about what happened. Out of shame, confusion, or a desperate need to protect the child, they might say things like:
- “He’s away working.”
- “It’s too complicated for you to understand.”
- Or simply nothing at all.
But boys are not stupid. They notice the change. They feel the energy shift. And when no one explains it to them, they make up their own story. Often, that story turns inward:
“It must be my fault.”
“I’m not allowed to talk about this.”
“There’s something wrong with my family — with me.”
That unspoken pain — the silence — becomes just as damaging as the arrest itself. It becomes a ghost in the room. A boy needs someone to help him put language to what happened, or it festers and mutates in his mind.
8. Shame by Association: The Weight of the Father's Reputation
Children, especially boys, often live under the shadow of their father’s name. In school, in the community, even in their extended family, they might be judged not by their own actions — but by their dad’s crime.
They hear whispers. Get avoided. Maybe even bullied:
- “Isn’t your dad the paedo?”
- “I wouldn’t go near him if I were you.”
- “He’s probably just like his dad.”
This is identity damage by association, and it’s brutal.
In therapy, some boys carry this weight like a secret badge — a mixture of rage, shame, and fear. They may reject their father outwardly, but inwardly they wonder:
“Is this who I really am?”
Unless there’s intervention — through mentoring, counselling, or safe relationships — that shame can calcify into lifelong distrust of people, of systems, and of themselves.
9. The Need for Re-Parenting and Role Models
When a father is arrested, what a boy often loses is not just the man — but the path.
The sense of “this is who I could become.” So even if that path was flawed, it was there. Without a father — especially one removed through shame or crime — boys can become unmoored. The message becomes:
"No one’s coming to teach you. Figure it out yourself."
That’s why re-parenting matters. Therapists. Teachers. Coaches. Uncles. Mentors.
Boys need someone to say:
- “You’re not your father.”
- “You have choices.”
- “Manhood can look different.”
They don’t need rescuing — but they do need guiding. They need firm, safe, loving masculinity to step in — not to replace the father, but to repair the internal image of what a man can be.
What It’s Like Growing Up With a Father on the Sex Offenders Register
There’s a particular kind of silence that follows boys whose fathers are on the sex offenders register. It’s the kind of silence that doesn’t just swallow words — it swallows identity, confidence, and belonging.
These boys grow up in homes where the story is either whispered or completely buried. And yet, the effects are loud. They echo through school corridors, friendships, bedrooms, romantic relationships, and adult lives.
At Male Minds Counselling, we work with boys and men who carry this invisible grief. And what we’ve seen is this: the impact is deep, complex, and almost always misunderstood.
1. Carrying Shame That Isn’t Theirs
Imagine being ten years old and sensing that your dad’s name brings discomfort. That neighbours whisper. That teachers look at you differently. These boys often feel like they’ve inherited a stain — a shame that they had no part in creating.
Many of them change their last names, lie about where their father is, or simply cut ties to protect themselves. It’s not just about avoiding judgment. It’s about surviving.
2. Confusion Around Sex and Morality
When your first model of masculinity is someone labelled a “sex offender,” how do you form a healthy understanding of sex, consent, and trust?
Some boys grow up hypersexual, others avoid anything sexual entirely. Some struggle with guilt about their own thoughts or attractions, even when they’ve done nothing wrong. They live in fear of being “like him.”
3. Silence Becomes the Family Language
In many homes, the father’s offence is never discussed. Children are expected to get on with it — to accept, adjust, and never ask. But what this creates is an emotional vacuum.
There are no words for grief, confusion, anger, or betrayal. So those emotions get buried deep. And when they do surface, it often looks like withdrawal, aggression, or anxiety — behaviours that are misunderstood and pathologised.
4. A Damaged Mirror of Masculinity
For many boys, their father is the first template of what it means to be a man. But when that template is cracked or criminal, it leaves them without a map.
Some go out of their way to be the opposite — perfectionistic, over-responsible, or obsessively moral. Others spiral, believing that maybe they’re destined to mess up too. Both responses are rooted in the same question: If he’s my dad, what does that make me?
5. A Constant Fear of Judgment
Even when the boy hasn’t told anyone, he often lives with a sense of being watched — as if people can “just tell.”
This leads to constant self-monitoring. “Don’t act weird.” “Don’t be too interested in girls.” “Don’t say anything that might make people suspicious.” It’s exhausting. And it robs them of the freedom to just be a kid.
6. Emotional Disconnection and Numbness
To cope, many boys emotionally detach. They stop crying. They stop caring. They become “strong,” but not in a healthy way — in a way that disconnects them from their own needs.
Later in life, this can show up as difficulty trusting partners, feeling numb during intimacy, or being unable to talk about feelings — because feelings were never safe to begin with.
7. Social Isolation and Missed Opportunities
Because of restrictions or stigma, these boys might not be allowed to have friends over, attend certain clubs, or go on trips.
They may miss out on sleepovers, football, or scouts — things that seem small but actually shape a child’s sense of normality and belonging. Over time, they begin to feel othered. Different. Left out.
8. Mistrust of the System
Some boys watched their father get arrested. Others saw him shamed in court or dragged across the media. Even if the father was guilty, the process can still be traumatic — especially if no one explained it or supported the child afterward.
As a result, these boys often mistrust authority figures: police, teachers, therapists. They’ve learned that institutions don’t always protect families — sometimes, they destroy them.
9. Fear of the Future
Many boys live with the secret fear: What if I mess up like him?
Even if they’ve done nothing wrong, they carry a weight — a hyper-awareness of how people might interpret their behaviour, their curiosity, or even their relationships. It becomes a lifelong process of trying to “prove” they are safe, good, and trustworthy.
When Your Father Is Taken Away: What the Research Tells Us — and How Therapy Can Help
For some boys, the moment their father is taken away in handcuffs — especially for sexual crimes — is the moment their world splits in two. As a pluralistic counsellor, I’ve sat with boys and men who carry this experience like a wound beneath the surface. It’s often not the first thing they talk about. It comes out sideways — in anger, shame, overachievement, silence, or breakdowns in relationships.
What the Research Tells Us
Researchers and psychologists across the UK and beyond have studied what happens to children when a parent — especially a father — is arrested or imprisoned. The findings are clear and unsettling:
1. It causes trauma
Children who witness the arrest of a parent often display symptoms similar to post-traumatic stress: nightmares, bedwetting, aggression, withdrawal, anxiety. If the arrest is dramatic — flashing lights, shouting officers, violence — the emotional damage can be even greater.
2. Boys often internalise the shame
Studies show that children of incarcerated parents often experience shame-by-association. They fear being judged, bullied, or labelled “just like your dad.” This shame can fester for years, especially in boys, who are often taught not to talk about emotions or weakness.
3. It disrupts their development
Boys who lose their fathers to prison often struggle with school performance, emotional regulation, and forming healthy relationships. Long-term studies suggest they’re more likely to experience depression, substance misuse, and even contact with the criminal justice system themselves.
4. There’s an increased risk of identity confusion
When a father is removed due to serious crimes like sexual abuse, many boys are left asking:
“What does that make me?”
“Do I have that in me too?”
“Can I ever be better than where I come from?”
This identity conflict is deep, painful, and rarely talked about.
How Pluralistic Counselling Can Help
At Male Minds Counselling, I work from a pluralistic approach. That means I don’t believe in one-size-fits-all therapy. Every man, every boy, needs something different. Some need to talk. Some need structure. Some need to break years of silence with a single sentence: “He was my dad, but he destroyed everything.”
Here’s how therapy can support these clients in real, practical ways:
1. Building Safety First
Before anything else, boys and men who’ve experienced this kind of rupture need a place where they don’t feel judged. Many have been carrying the secret for years. In therapy, I prioritise:
- Consistency
- Respectful boundaries
- Predictability
These rebuild what the arrest shattered: trust and safety.
2. Naming the Trauma
Sometimes just putting words to the experience is powerful:
“You saw your father taken away, and it shook your world.”
“You’ve been living with questions no one ever helped you answer.”
This kind of validation helps boys and men realise:
- They’re not crazy.
- Their feelings make sense.
- They’ve survived something massive.
3. Making Space for Mixed Feelings
Therapy helps clients explore the complicated truth:
“I loved him, but I hate what he did.”
“He taught me to ride a bike… and then he destroyed our family.”
Many boys carry guilt for still loving a flawed or dangerous father. In therapy, we allow room for that conflict — without shame.
4. Identity Work: You Are Not Him
One of the most healing things therapy can offer is this message:
“You are allowed to define yourself.”
We explore together:
- What kind of man do you want to be?
- Where do your values come from?
- What parts of your dad’s legacy do you want to leave behind?
Through conversation, journaling, metaphor, and storytelling, we help boys and men reclaim authorship over their own story.
5. Working With the Body and the Nervous System
Some trauma lives beyond words. We use tools like:
- Grounding techniques
- Breathing exercises
- Mindfulness and somatic awareness. To help the client regulate their emotions, especially if their trauma shows up as anger, shutdowns, or outbursts.
6. Offering Alternatives to Silence
In some families, the father’s arrest becomes a taboo. No one talks about it. In therapy, we break that silence:
- We talk about what happened.
- We talk about what wasn’t said.
- We name what was lost. Because unspoken pain doesn’t disappear. It just gets buried — until it comes out sideways.
A Final Word
Boys and men who’ve had a father arrested for sexual offences often feel like they don’t belong anywhere. They’re too ashamed to speak. Too angry to be still. Too scared to trust. Too proud to ask for help. But in therapy — the right therapy — they don’t need to have all the answers. They just need to begin.
At Male Minds Counselling, I work with men and boys across Reading and online. Whether you’re a mother reaching out for your son, or a grown man finally ready to deal with the weight you’ve been carrying — know that you are not your father’s crimes. You are not broken. And you do not have to carry this alone.
Cassim