A stereotype is a widely held but oversimplified and often inaccurate belief or idea about a particular group of people, type of person, or thing.
It usually involves generalising characteristics — such as behaviour, abilities, personality, or appearance — to all members of a group, regardless of individual differences.
For example:
- Saying “all teenagers are lazy” is a stereotype.
- Saying “men are bad at showing emotions” is also a stereotype.
While some stereotypes may contain a small element of truth for certain individuals, they are often misleading, unfair, and harmful, because they ignore personal uniqueness and reinforce bias or prejudice.
In the context of male carers, which is what this blog is going to be about, a stereotype is the oversimplified and often inaccurate belief that caring is “women’s work” and that men are less suited for, less capable of, or less interested in providing care.
This stereotype comes from long-standing cultural and gender norms that position men as breadwinners and women as nurturers. As a result:
- Male carers are often overlooked — people may assume they are less common than they really are.
- Their skills are underestimated — some may think men are less patient, less emotionally attuned, or less able to provide compassionate care, even when they are excellent carers.
- They may face stigma or feel isolated — men in caring roles can sometimes feel they are judged, patronised, or treated as unusual simply for doing what many women do without question.
In reality, millions of men in the UK — both paid and unpaid — provide vital care to family members, partners, or clients. They often show the same dedication, empathy, and skill as female carers. But because of stereotypes, male carers might not receive the same emotional recognition, community support, or targeted services that female carers do.
I was watching youtube reels when I saw one talking about how most men leave their wives when they get sick, while most women when their husbands get sick, they remain. I will be blunt, it really pissed me off. Because this is not what I see in my therapy room with male clients.
In the UK, there are about 2.0 million male unpaid carers, making up roughly 40–42% of all informal carers .
Here’s a clearer breakdown:
- Total unpaid carers: Around 5.0–5.8 million across the UK
- Male vs Female: Approximately 2.0 million males and 3.0 million females are providing unpaid care .
- Proportion of caregivers: In England and Wales, about 7.6% of males and 10.4% of females report providing unpaid care
That means 2 in every 5 unpaid carers are men .
The Difference Between Paid and Unpaid Carers in England — and How to Become a Paid Carer
In the UK, caring for someone can take many forms. For some, it is a professional career; for others, it is an unpaid responsibility taken on out of love or necessity. While both roles are vital, there is an important distinction between paid carers and unpaid carers — and understanding the difference can help people know what support and opportunities are available to them.
What is a Paid Carer?
A paid carer is someone who is formally employed to provide care and is paid for their work. This might include care assistants, home care workers, support workers, personal assistants, or staff in residential or nursing homes. Paid carers usually work for a care agency, the local authority, the NHS, or may be hired privately by individuals or families.
Because they are in a formal role, paid carers are entitled to wages — at least the National Minimum or National Living Wage — and often receive training to help them carry out their duties safely and effectively. They may have set working hours, a written contract, and a defined list of responsibilities. Payment for paid carers can come directly from the person receiving care, or through local authority funding if the care recipient qualifies for support after a needs assessment. In some cases, care costs are covered by NHS Continuing Healthcare funding for those with complex health needs.
What is an Unpaid Carer?
An unpaid carer is someone who provides care for a family member, friend, partner, or neighbour without receiving a salary for their time. This is sometimes referred to as “informal care” and can involve helping with daily personal care such as washing, dressing, or feeding, managing medication, accompanying someone to medical appointments, or supporting with household and financial tasks.
Unpaid carers are not employees and therefore do not receive wages for their work. However, the role they play is crucial — and often comes with significant emotional, physical, and financial challenges. Many unpaid carers juggle caring responsibilities with work, family life, or studies, and their contribution is essential to keeping the health and social care system running.
How Can an Unpaid Carer Become a Paid Carer?
If you are currently providing unpaid care and want to be paid for your work, there are a few different routes to explore:
- Employment by an Agency or Organisation
You can apply for a care role with a care agency, local council, the NHS, or a private care provider. This will involve going through the recruitment process, which may include background checks (such as a DBS check), providing references, and completing basic care training. - Becoming a Directly Employed Personal Assistant
If the person you care for qualifies for council support, they may be offered a “Direct Payment” — funding they can use to hire their own carer. In some cases, this can be a family member or friend, although there are restrictions depending on the circumstances. This arrangement turns the carer into a formal employee, with wages and employment rights. - Working as a Self-Employed Carer
Some carers set themselves up as self-employed and provide care services privately to individuals or families. This requires registering with HMRC, handling your own tax, and often marketing your services.
Financial Support for Unpaid Carers
While unpaid carers are not on a salary, there is some financial help available for those who provide significant care. If you care for someone for at least 35 hours a week and they receive certain disability benefits, you may qualify for Carer’s Allowance (£81.90 per week in 2025). You may also be eligible for Carer’s Credit, which helps protect your National Insurance record so that your State Pension is not affected by your caring responsibilities.
In addition, your local council can carry out a Carer’s Assessment to see what practical and financial support you might be entitled to. This can include respite breaks, training, or help accessing other services.
Why This Is Significant
Across the UK, there are an estimated 5.0–5.8 million unpaid carers, with around 2 million of them being men — making up roughly 40–42% of all informal carers. In England and Wales, around 7.6% of men and 10.4% of women report providing unpaid care. The work they do is invaluable, yet many do not realise that there are pathways to becoming a paid carer or at least receiving some financial support.
Whether you are considering care work as a career or looking for ways to support yourself while continuing to care for a loved one, understanding the distinction between paid and unpaid carers — and the options available — can help you make informed decisions for your future.
Age Groups & Caring Roles
- Most likely to be carers (England & Wales): Men aged 60–64, with about 13% in this age group providing unpaid care. The least likely are boys and young men aged 5–17, around 1.2%.
- Peak caring ages: For men aged 50–64, around 17% are carers—caring for parents or partners—while for women it’s slightly higher.
- Older carers (80+): After age 80, the gender gap narrows and even reverses: men aged 85–89 are more likely to provide 50+ hours per week of care (about 7.4%) than women.
The Ages of Care: When Men Become Carers
Caring doesn’t come with a warning. For many men, it just… happens. One day you're working full-time, looking after your own life — and the next, you’re managing hospital appointments, sorting medication, or trying to comfort someone you love through a hard time.
But caring doesn’t affect all men the same way. It often shows up differently, depending on where you are in life.
🧍♂️ Young Men (5–17)
Some boys and teenagers become carers early. They might be helping a parent with a long-term illness, or looking after siblings. They often don’t use the word "carer" — they just know they can’t go out after school like their friends, or that they always have to be “the strong one” at home. Around 1 in 100 boys are already in this role, silently taking on adult responsibilities before their time.
Middle Years (50–64)
This is when most men become carers. For many, it's their parents who start needing support. Some are also caring for partners or children with disabilities. This age group is where the pressure really builds: juggling work, family, finances — and now care. Around 1 in 6 men aged 50 to 64 are carers, but many don’t tell anyone. They just get on with it. Even though it’s exhausting.
Later Life (80+)
You’d think things would slow down in later life — but for many older men, caring actually increases. Often they’re looking after a spouse, sometimes without outside help. In fact, 7 out of every 100 men aged 85–89 are providing over 50 hours of unpaid care each week. At an age when they should be resting, they’re lifting, washing, worrying, coping.
Caring doesn’t look the same at every age — but the emotional weight? That’s always real.
Whether you’re 17 or 87, caring affects your identity, your energy, and your sense of self. And it’s okay to say, this is hard. Because it is. And you don’t have to do it alone.
At Male Minds Counselling, we work with men at every stage of life who are navigating what it means to care. Whether you're quietly burning out or just need space to breathe, we’re here to listen — and support you through it.
Inside the Mind of a Man Who Becomes a Carer
At first, he doesn’t call himself a carer. He’s just doing what needs to be done. Helping his wife dress. Making sure his dad eats. Managing the medication. Rearranging his work schedule again. It's just family, he tells himself. This is what you do.
But slowly, quietly, something shifts.
He starts to feel invisible. Not in a dramatic way — but in those small, piercing moments. Friends stop inviting him out. He can’t remember the last time he did something for himself. He’s tired, but it’s a kind of tired that sleep can’t fix. He feels the weight of being strong for everyone else, and no one seems to notice that he’s silently falling apart.
He doesn’t talk about it. Not properly. Not deeply. Because the world still sees caring as something women do naturally and men step into awkwardly. He jokes about it. Says he’s managing. But inside, there’s grief. Not just for the person he’s caring for and the life they used to have — but for the version of himself he’s lost along the way.
Some days he feels proud. Needed. Even heroic. Other days, he feels trapped. Resentful. Then guilty for feeling resentful. It’s a cycle he rarely puts into words. And when people say, “You’re amazing, I don’t know how you do it,” he smiles — but part of him thinks, I don’t know either.
He doesn’t want pity. He wants to be seen. Supported. Understood.
He’s not just “managing” — he’s carrying an emotional and physical load that’s reshaping his life. And maybe, just maybe, he needs someone to care for him too.
What are the most common reasons men become carers
1. Dementia (including Alzheimer’s)
Dementia is one of the top conditions that leads men — especially older men — to become carers, typically for a partner or parent. As the condition progresses, the person affected needs more help with daily tasks, memory, and safety.
2. Parkinson’s disease
Men often become carers for partners or aging parents with Parkinson’s. The physical decline and impact on mobility means the person needs increasing care over time.
3. Stroke
A sudden stroke in a spouse or family member can instantly change the dynamic, leading a man to take on a caring role overnight.
4. Cancer
Men may step into a caring role during a partner’s or parent’s cancer treatment, especially during chemotherapy or end-of-life care.
5. Disability or learning difficulties (in children or siblings)
Fathers, brothers, or sons may become long-term carers for family members with physical or learning disabilities, especially when the usual caregiver is no longer around.
6. Mental health conditions
Some men care for loved ones with severe mental health issues like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or PTSD, often navigating complex emotional and practical needs.
So, while dementia, Parkinson’s, and stroke are leading physical health reasons, caring can also be linked to mental health, cancer, or disability — it really depends on the age and relationship of the carer to the person needing support.
Here are the most common reasons men become carers
- Family obligation or love
Many men step into the carer role because they feel it's their duty or responsibility — especially for a partner, parent, or child. For some, it’s rooted in love and a strong sense of commitment, rather than a conscious decision to "become a carer." - Lack of alternative support
Men often become carers when there are no other family members able or willing to provide care. This can happen suddenly — for example, after a health crisis — or gradually, as needs increase. - Cultural or personal values
In some cultures or families, caregiving roles fall to the eldest son or a male family member seen as the "protector" or "provider." In these cases, men may feel a deep cultural or moral obligation to step in. - Change in circumstances
Men who lose their jobs, retire, or experience changes in their own health or availability might naturally shift into a caregiving role. Some also find themselves becoming carers after a bereavement or family breakdown. - Practical or financial reasons
Sometimes it's a practical decision: if a male partner earns less or is already at home, it may make more sense for him to take on the caregiving duties.
The Unspoken Struggle: What It’s Really Like for Men Who Become Carers
He didn’t plan for this. Most men don’t. He just did what needed to be done. One day he was a partner, a son, a dad — the next, he was a carer. Quietly. Without fanfare. Without training. He stepped up. But what people don’t see is what’s happening inside. What it’s doing to him — mentally, emotionally, even spiritually.
Do men regret becoming carers?
Ask most men who are carers if they regret it, and they’ll likely say no. Because how can you regret caring for someone you love? But what they won’t say is that sometimes… they hate it. Not the person — the situation. The loss of freedom. The constant tiredness. The endless list of things that need doing. The sense that life has become one long to-do list of tasks no one else sees. And then comes the guilt — because how dare he feel frustrated? How dare he feel resentful? After all, he’s the healthy one. The strong one. The one who can.
The Inner Conflict No One Talks About
This is the emotional cycle many male carers live through:
- They love the person they care for.
- They resent the weight of the care.
- They feel ashamed for feeling resentful.
- They stay silent.
- They repeat.
He might smile when people say, “You’re doing an amazing job.” But inside, part of him is thinking, I’m not sure how much longer I can keep doing this. He misses who he used to be. Misses the man he was before care swallowed his day, his energy, and sometimes his identity.
The Hidden Cost of Silence
Men often don’t talk about the toll of caring. They just carry it. Quietly. But that silence has a cost. It shows up in burnout, withdrawal, low mood, broken relationships — and sometimes, it shows up in men who stop asking for help altogether.
He doesn’t want pity. He doesn’t want applause. He just wants to be seen. To be asked how he’s doing, without being told to "stay strong." To be reminded that his feelings matter too. To know that even though he's the carer — he still needs care.
How Therapy Can Help — Especially for You
If you’ve read this far, maybe something in this spoke to you. Maybe you’re a man doing everything you can for someone you love — and quietly running on empty. You might tell yourself, “I’m fine. It’s just part of life.” But deep down, you know something’s not right. You’re exhausted, but you keep pushing through. You snap, then feel guilty.
You miss who you used to be. And you don’t really talk about it — because you’ve been taught that talking won’t change anything.
But here’s the truth: Therapy won’t fix your situation — but it will give you space.
A space that’s just for you. No judgment. No pressure. No pretending to be okay.
At Male Minds Counselling, we understand what it means to be a man under pressure. We get that being a carer doesn’t mean you stop being human. That you're allowed to feel angry, sad, numb, tired — even lost. You don’t have to keep carrying all of this alone.
Talking to someone who gets it can help you make sense of what you’re going through, find your way back to yourself, and rebuild from a place of strength — not survival.
You’ve been strong for everyone else. Let this be your reminder: you matter too.
And when you’re ready, we’re here.
Cassim