Many men find themselves asking “If patriarchy benefits men, why do some women defend it so strongly?” From the outside, it can seem confusing. Some women openly support traditional gender roles, male authority, conservative religions, or political movements that critics argue restrict women’s rights. For example, some high-profile female politicians, activists, or media figures have publicly advocated for maintaining traditional family structures or criticised feminist reforms. Movements like “Tradwives” in the UK and US, where women celebrate traditional housewife roles online, or certain female leaders in conservative religious communities are just a few visible cases. In other parts of the world, similar patterns can be observed: for instance, in India, some women actively support traditional caste and family hierarchies, while in parts of the Middle East and North Africa, women’s groups sometimes promote strict interpretations of religious or cultural norms around gender. In East Asia, organisations of women have been known to support Confucian family ideals, emphasizing filial piety and prescribed gender roles. Others may even criticize women who challenge those traditions.
Does this mean they are simply brainwashed? Psychologists say the answer is far more complex.
Are Women Simply Brainwashed?
No. While socialisation certainly plays a role, research suggests that people’s beliefs are shaped by a combination of psychology, culture, family, religion, identity, and personal experience. Rather than assuming women who support traditional systems are unintelligent or manipulated, psychologists encourage us to ask a different question: What needs does this system meet for them? Understanding those needs helps explain why people often defend systems that outsiders view as unequal.
What Is a Patriarchal Bargain?
One of the most influential ideas comes from political scientist Deniz Kandiyoti, who introduced the concept of the patriarchal bargain. A patriarchal bargain is a strategy for surviving and succeeding within a male-dominated society. The basic idea is simple.
If a woman lives in a society where men hold most economic, legal, religious, or political power, she may gain security, status, or protection by accepting the rules rather than challenging them. In today’s world, these ‘patriarchal bargains’ can still appear in everyday situations. For example, some women may downplay their achievements at work, take on most family responsibilities, or avoid challenging male authority figures to maintain harmony or job security. In certain communities, women might support traditional expectations around marriage or caregiving as a way to earn respect, strengthen family ties, or avoid conflict. These choices are often shaped by practical considerations and hopes for stability, not simply blind acceptance of tradition.
This is not necessarily because she believes the system is perfectly fair. It may be because the system offers the safest available path. Historically, this bargain could provide:
- protection from violence
- financial security
- social acceptance
- marriage opportunities
- community respect
- family stability
In many historical societies, these benefits were essential for survival.
Why Would Someone Defend a System That Limits Them?
Psychologists have studied this question for decades. One explanation is System Justification Theory, developed by psychologists John Jost and Mahzarin Banaji. The theory proposes that people have a natural tendency to see the social systems they depend upon as legitimate and fair, even when those systems disadvantage them. Why? Because believing that your society is fundamentally unfair can be psychologically distressing.
If you depend on a system you cannot easily change, believing it has some moral order may reduce uncertainty and anxiety. This tendency has been observed across many different political, religious, and economic systems.
Can Fear Make People Prefer Strong Leaders?
Research suggests that feelings of uncertainty, threat, or social instability can increase people’s attraction to leaders who appear decisive, confident, and capable of restoring order. For example, a well-known study by political psychologists in 2003 found that both men and women who were reminded of threats such as terrorism were more likely to favour strong, authoritarian leaders (Jost et al., 2003). This supports the idea that periods of social threat can influence people’s preferences for leadership style.
This does not happen only among women. It occurs across many cultures and affects both men and women. Psychologists sometimes refer to this as an increased preference for certainty during periods of threat.
When people feel secure, they often tolerate more diversity and ambiguity. When people feel threatened, they frequently become more attracted to clear rules, strong leadership, and stable traditions.
How Does Religion Shape These Beliefs?
Religion can also influence ideas about authority and gender. In many conservative religious traditions, God is described using paternal language such as:
- Father
- Lord
- King
Leadership roles may also be predominantly male. For some believers, these patterns reinforce the idea that authority is associated with protection, stability, and moral order.
However, religious traditions differ enormously. Many denominations support women in leadership, while others maintain traditional gender roles. The relationship between religion and patriarchy therefore depends greatly on the specific faith, denomination, culture, and individual believer.
Do Mothers Sometimes Pass These Beliefs to Their Daughters?
History suggests they sometimes do. One striking example comes from historical China, where the painful practice of foot binding was often carried out by mothers and grandmothers.
Although the custom reflected broader patriarchal ideals, women themselves frequently enforced it because they believed bound feet improved their daughters’ chances of marriage and social security.
Today, historians view this as an example of how people can perpetuate harmful traditions while sincerely believing they are protecting those they love.
The same psychological process may occur in many different cultures whenever parents pass on beliefs they see as essential for survival.
Does This Mean Patriarchy Benefits Women?
Not necessarily. Researchers distinguish between direct power and indirect power. In some traditional societies, women had limited formal authority but could gain influence through respected social roles such as wife, mother, elder, or community organiser.
These roles sometimes provided meaningful influence, even if women lacked equal legal or political rights. Understanding this distinction helps explain why some women may value traditional systems despite their limitations.
Why Is Change So Difficult?
Changing long-held beliefs involves more than changing opinions. It often requires changing identity, relationships, community, and sometimes faith. For many people, questioning the social system that shaped their entire life can feel emotionally threatening. That is why conversations about gender roles are rarely only about politics. They are also about belonging, safety, meaning, and identity.
What Can Men Learn From This?
For men, understanding these psychological processes can improve empathy and communication. In conversations, it can help to listen actively, ask open questions rather than making assumptions, and show genuine interest in the other person’s perspective. Avoid interrupting or trying to prove someone wrong; instead, focus on understanding the motivations and experiences behind their beliefs. Express curiosity and respect, and let the conversation be a space for sharing rather than debate. For example, you might start a conversation by asking, “Can you share what influenced your perspective on this?” or “How did you come to feel this way about traditional roles?” These simple approaches can foster empathy and create a more thoughtful, supportive dialogue.
Rather than assuming women who support traditional roles are naïve or manipulated, it may be more helpful to ask:
- What experiences shaped these beliefs?
- What does this system provide emotionally?
- What fears might change threaten?
- What needs are being met?
These questions encourage understanding rather than hostility.
What Is the Overall Message?
The research suggests that support for traditional gender systems is rarely explained by a single factor. Instead, it reflects a complex interaction of history, culture, economics, religion, identity, family experiences, and universal psychological needs such as safety, belonging, and predictability.
For men, recognising these dynamics can deepen their understanding of why people, including women, sometimes defend systems that appear unequal from the outside. At the same time, it is important to acknowledge that not everyone agrees on the reasons or implications. Some critics might contend that highlighting such psychological and social motivations risks excusing or perpetuating unjust structures by shifting the focus away from the systems’ inherent inequalities. Others point to different explanations, such as economic pressures, misinformation, or even the influence of new social movements and media. Alternative theories, such as intersectionality, emphasize the impact of overlapping identities like race, class, and religion in shaping women’s attitudes toward traditional roles. While these perspectives sometimes compete, understanding these motivations does not require agreement or acquiescence; rather, it enables the development of more nuanced, thoughtful conversations and greater compassion. Appreciating the interplay between political ideas and personal needs, such as security, meaning, and connection, can foster dialogue that acknowledges both the realities of systemic inequality and the complex human factors involved in maintaining or challenging these systems.
Take a moment to reflect on your own experiences and assumptions: How have your background and beliefs shaped the way you see gender roles? In your next conversation about these topics, try pausing to listen actively, ask questions with genuine curiosity, and consider what needs might be driving the other person’s perspective. By experimenting with empathy in this way, you may discover new insights and build stronger, more respectful connections.
Counselling for Men in Reading: Understanding Gender, Relationships and Identity
Questions about gender roles, masculinity, relationships, power and identity can sometimes bring up much stronger emotions than we expect. For some men, these conversations can connect with deeper experiences of rejection, shame, anger, insecurity, relationship difficulties or uncertainty about what it means to be a man.
At Male Minds Counselling in Reading, I provide counselling for men and teenage boys who may be struggling with these issues alongside anxiety, stress, loneliness, low self-esteem, anger, relationship problems, trauma, grief and emotional overwhelm.
Counselling can provide a confidential, non-judgemental space to explore your beliefs and experiences without being told what you should think or feel. You do not have to agree with a particular political, social or cultural viewpoint to benefit from counselling. The purpose is to understand yourself better, recognise the experiences that have shaped you, and develop healthier ways of relating to yourself and other people.
For men in Reading, Tilehurst, Caversham, Earley, Woodley, Wokingham, Winnersh, Newbury, Basingstoke and surrounding Berkshire areas, support is available both face-to-face and online.
You may benefit from counselling if you are experiencing:
- Relationship difficulties or recurring arguments
- Anger and difficulty regulating emotions
- Anxiety or overthinking
- Loneliness or social isolation
- Low self-esteem or insecurity
- Shame around masculinity or vulnerability
- Difficulties communicating with a partner
- Problems following separation or divorce
- Childhood experiences that continue to affect you
- Confusion around identity, expectations or your role in relationships
- Stress, burnout or feeling overwhelmed
- Difficulty expressing emotions
- A desire to understand yourself and your relationships more deeply
You don’t have to wait until you are in crisis before seeking support. Sometimes counselling is simply an opportunity to stop, think, and understand what is happening beneath the surface.
Male Minds Counselling specialises in counselling for boys and men in Reading and Berkshire, offering a straightforward, practical and compassionate approach to therapy. If you are struggling with relationships, masculinity, emotional wellbeing or simply feel stuck, you can arrange an initial consultation to explore whether counselling could be helpful for you.
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