If you are a man considering counselling, you may have a lot of questions before you ever make that first appointment.

You might be wondering whether counselling will actually help you. You might want to know how long it will take. You might be concerned about what happens to the things you say in the therapy room. You might even be wondering whether there is anything you are supposed to do between sessions.

These are completely reasonable questions.

In fact, I think asking questions before starting counselling is a good thing. You should understand who you are working with, how counselling works, what you can expect from the process and what the boundaries of confidentiality are.

At Male Minds Counselling in Reading, I work with boys, teenagers and adult men who may be experiencing anxiety, depression, anger, low self-esteem, relationship difficulties, loneliness, stress, identity questions, bereavement, life transitions or simply the feeling that something in their life is not quite right.

I offer a pluralistic approach, drawing on cognitive behavioural therapy, humanistic approaches and psychodynamic thinking. This means that counselling is not about forcing every man into the same therapeutic model. Instead, we work together to understand what you need and what may be most useful to you.

If you are searching for counselling for men in Reading, Lower Earley, Earley, Woodley, Wokingham, Caversham, Tilehurst, Theale, Twyford, Newbury, Maidenhead, Basingstoke, High Wycombe or surrounding Berkshire areas, these are five questions worth considering.

1. “Can you fix this, and how long will it take?”

This is probably one of the most understandable questions you can ask.

When you have been struggling for months or years, you naturally want to know when things are going to get better.

You may have been feeling angry all the time. You may be anxious every morning before work. You may have experienced a relationship breakdown and feel that you have lost your direction. You may be depressed but find it difficult to describe yourself as depressed because you have always been expected to get on with things.

You might therefore ask your counsellor:

“Can you fix me?”

“How many sessions will I need?”

“When will I feel normal again?”

The honest answer is that counselling cannot responsibly come with a guaranteed deadline.

People are different. The length of therapy depends on what you are experiencing, how long you have been experiencing it, what you want to change and how much you want to explore.

Some men come to counselling because they have a specific problem they want help with. They may want to understand a relationship breakdown, manage anger, improve their confidence or cope with a particular period of stress.

Other men discover that the problem they initially came to discuss is connected to something much deeper.

For example, a man might initially say:

“I’m angry because my relationship ended.”

As therapy progresses, he may begin to recognise that the anger is also connected to rejection, shame, fear of abandonment, childhood experiences or a feeling that he has failed.

That is why I do not believe counselling should be treated as a simple repair job.

You are not a broken machine that needs fixing.

Counselling is an opportunity to understand what is happening inside you, why you respond to situations in particular ways and what you might want to do differently.

Sometimes that happens relatively quickly.

Sometimes it takes longer.

The important question is not simply, “How quickly can you fix me?”

It may be more useful to ask:

“What would I like to be different in my life, and what would it take to get there?”

At Male Minds Counselling, therapy can be short-term or longer-term depending on your needs. We can regularly review how counselling is going and whether it is still useful for you.

2. “Is what I am telling you truly confidential?”

For many men, this may be the most important question of all.

You might be about to tell a counsellor something that you have never told your partner, your parents, your friends or anybody else.

Perhaps you are struggling with anger.

Perhaps you are questioning your relationship.

Perhaps you have thoughts that you are ashamed of.

Perhaps you are struggling with your identity, sexuality, family relationships, work, fatherhood or something from your past.

You may therefore need to know:

“Who is going to find out?”

The therapeutic relationship is built around privacy and confidentiality. Counsellors have ethical and professional responsibilities to protect clients’ personal information and explain the limits of confidentiality clearly.

However, confidentiality is not an absolute promise that absolutely nothing could ever be disclosed under any circumstances.

There are exceptional situations where information may need to be shared, particularly where there are serious safeguarding or safety concerns, where disclosure is legally required or where there is a serious risk of harm to the client or another person.

This is something that should be discussed with you rather than left as a mystery.

The important thing is that you should understand the boundaries before you start talking about deeply personal subjects.

For example, if you tell me that you are struggling emotionally, experiencing relationship difficulties or feeling overwhelmed, that does not automatically mean that your confidentiality disappears.

Therapy is not about reporting everything you say to your family, your employer or other people in your life.

It is about creating a professional space where you can speak honestly and explore what is happening without being judged.

If you have concerns about confidentiality, ask.

You can say:

“Before I tell you anything personal, can you explain exactly how confidentiality works?”

That is a perfectly reasonable question.

3. “What should I do outside of our sessions?”

Another question men often have is:

“Okay, but what am I actually supposed to do between sessions?”

Counselling does not only have to happen for fifty minutes while you are sitting in front of your counsellor.

What happens between sessions can sometimes be just as important.

Depending on what we are working on, you might be encouraged to notice particular thoughts, emotions or behaviours during the week.

You might keep a journal.

You might monitor situations that trigger anger or anxiety.

You might practise a breathing or grounding exercise.

You might challenge a particular thought.

You might try communicating differently with someone.

You might begin setting a boundary.

You might simply pay closer attention to what happens inside you before you react.

The purpose is not to give you a pile of homework because you are a client.

The purpose is to help you take what we discuss in counselling and begin applying it to your actual life.

For some men, practical strategies are particularly helpful.

If you are experiencing anger, for example, we might explore what happens immediately before the anger appears.

What did someone say?

What did you interpret it to mean?

What did you feel in your body?

What thought appeared?

Did you feel disrespected?

Rejected?

Humiliated?

Threatened?

Only after understanding what is happening can you begin to change how you respond.

For another man, the work might be completely different.

He may need space to grieve.

He may need to understand a relationship pattern.

He may need to explore childhood experiences.

He may need to develop a stronger sense of self.

There is no universal counselling homework that works for everybody.

The work should be connected to what you are actually trying to change.

4. “What is your background and approach?”

You should know who you are allowing into your life and what their approach to counselling is.

At Male Minds Counselling, my name is Cassim Kaweesa and I provide counselling for boys and men in Reading and online.

My approach is pluralistic.

In simple terms, this means I do not believe one therapeutic approach is automatically right for every person.

I draw from different psychological approaches, including cognitive behavioural therapy, humanistic counselling and psychodynamic thinking.

CBT can help us explore the relationship between thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

Humanistic approaches can help us consider your experience as a whole person and the importance of being understood without judgement.

Psychodynamic thinking can help us explore how earlier experiences, relationships and patterns may continue to influence the way you think, feel and behave today.

The aim is not to sit in a therapy room and give you a psychological lecture.

The aim is to understand you.

That distinction matters.

You may come to counselling wanting practical tools.

You may want to understand your childhood.

You may want help with a relationship.

You may want to manage your anger.

You may want somewhere to talk because you have spent years keeping everything inside.

We can explore what you need rather than assuming that every man needs exactly the same thing.

My practice specifically focuses on boys and men because I believe men deserve spaces where they can talk about what is actually happening in their lives without feeling that they have to perform masculinity.

You do not have to arrive at counselling already knowing how to talk about your emotions.

That is part of what counselling can help you learn.

5. “Are there questions you wish I would ask?”

This is an interesting question because sometimes the most important part of therapy is not the question your counsellor asks.

It is the question you eventually become brave enough to ask yourself.

You might spend several sessions talking about work.

But perhaps underneath the work problem is:

“Why do I feel like I am never good enough?”

You might talk about your partner.

But underneath the relationship problem might be:

“Why am I so frightened of being rejected?”

You might talk about anger.

But underneath the anger might be:

“Why does feeling disrespected affect me so intensely?”

You might talk about loneliness.

But underneath the loneliness might be:

“Why do I find it so difficult to let people get close to me?”

These are the questions that can sometimes take therapy deeper.

So if you are coming to counselling, you do not need to arrive with a perfectly prepared speech.

You can simply start with:

“I don’t really know where to begin.”

That is enough.

You can also ask yourself:

What am I most embarrassed to admit?

What do I keep pretending doesn’t bother me?

What do I get angry about repeatedly?

What do I wish other people understood about me?

What am I frightened would happen if I stopped pretending I was okay?

What keeps happening in my relationships?

What am I avoiding?

What would I change about my life if I wasn’t worried about what other people thought?

And perhaps the most important question:

What do I actually want from counselling?

You do not necessarily need to know the answer before you start.

We can work that out together.

Counselling for Boys and Men in Reading and Berkshire

Starting counselling can feel like a big decision, particularly if you have spent most of your life dealing with problems by yourself.

You may have been told to “man up”.

You may have learned that showing emotion is weakness.

You may have become the person everyone else relies upon.

You may be successful at work but struggling privately.

You may look completely fine to everyone around you while internally feeling angry, anxious, exhausted, lonely or lost.

You do not have to wait until everything falls apart before asking for help.

At Male Minds Counselling, I provide a confidential, non-judgemental space for boys, teenagers and adult men to talk about what is happening in their lives.

I offer counselling in Reading and online, supporting clients from areas including Reading, Caversham, Tilehurst, Earley, Lower Earley, Woodley, Wokingham, Theale, Twyford, Newbury, Maidenhead, Basingstoke and High Wycombe.

Whether you are dealing with anxiety, depression, anger, low self-esteem, relationship difficulties, loneliness, bereavement, stress, identity questions or simply feeling stuck, you do not need to have everything figured out before you make contact.

You just need somewhere to start.

Sometimes the first step is simply saying, “I don’t think I’m coping as well as I look.”

That can be enough to begin.