So, your son or daughter is in one of the many secondary schools in Reading. Maybe Maiden Erlegh Chiltern Edge, The Bulmershe School, UTC Reading, The WREN School or Highdown. I want to talk to you about the people who actually work inside your child’s school. Because many parents come into my counselling practice carrying an enormous amount of anxiety and stress. And quite often, underneath that anxiety is a very simple problem: “I don’t know how to help my child.” You might know that something isn’t right. You might know that your son is struggling. You might know that your daughter is becoming increasingly anxious. You might know that your child is refusing to go to school. You might know that they are constantly getting detentions, being removed from lessons, falling behind, getting into arguments or struggling to regulate their emotions. But then you look at the school and think: “Who am I actually supposed to speak to?” And this is where I think psychoeducation can be really useful. I have worked in a secondary school and have undertaken training and engagement work with schools, so I want to take you through some of the people you are likely to encounter. Because secondary schools can be complicated places. There isn’t just one person looking after your child. There can be a whole network of people, and understanding what each person does can make it much easier for you to know where to go.
The Tutor
Let’s start with one of the people your child is most likely to see regularly: their tutor. Most secondary schools organise pupils into tutor groups. The tutor is often one of the first adults in school who may notice that something has changed. Perhaps your son suddenly isn’t himself. Perhaps he is coming into school tired. Perhaps his attendance is deteriorating. Perhaps he is becoming withdrawn. Perhaps he is getting into more trouble. Perhaps his behaviour has changed. The tutor may not be the person who can solve the entire problem, but they can be an important starting point. So if you are concerned about your child, don’t overlook the tutor. You can say: “I’ve noticed some changes in my son. Can you tell me what you’re seeing in school?” That simple conversation might give you information that you didn’t have.
The Head of Year
Then you have the Head of Year. The Head of Year is usually responsible for a particular year group and has oversight of the pupils within that year. For example, your child might be in Year 7, Year 8, Year 9 or Year 10, and there may be a Head of Year responsible for that cohort. They can become particularly important when an issue is happening across multiple lessons or different parts of school. If your child is repeatedly receiving behaviour sanctions, having attendance problems, struggling socially or experiencing difficulties across different subjects, the Head of Year may be in a position to see the bigger picture. So if you’re thinking: “This isn’t just happening in one lesson. This is happening everywhere.” the Head of Year may be someone you want to speak to.
The SENCO
Then we have one of the most important people for parents of children with additional needs: the SENCO. SENCO stands for Special Educational Needs Coordinator. If your child has ADHD, autism, dyslexia, speech and language difficulties, learning difficulties, sensory needs or another special educational need, the SENCO can be an extremely important person for you to know. The SENCO helps coordinate the school’s provision for pupils with special educational needs. And remember what I said earlier about EHCPs. The SENCO can be an important part of the conversation about what support your child is already receiving, what has been tried, what your child’s needs appear to be and whether further assessment or support may need to be considered. So if you are saying: “My child is struggling, and I don’t think the current support is enough.” ask to speak to the SENCO. And don’t be afraid to ask specific questions. “What SEN support is currently in place?” “What interventions have been tried?” “How is my child’s progress being monitored?” “What happens if this support isn’t enough?” “Do you think an EHC needs assessment should be considered?” You don’t have to be confrontational. You just need to be informed.
The Designated Safeguarding Lead
Then you have the school’s Designated Safeguarding Lead, often referred to as the DSL. Some schools also have Deputy Designated Safeguarding Leads, or DDSLs. Their role is fundamentally around safeguarding children and young people. Safeguarding covers a huge range of concerns. It isn’t simply about abuse. It can involve concerns about neglect, exploitation, bullying, online safety, domestic abuse, self-harm, sexual violence, criminal exploitation and other circumstances where a child’s safety or welfare may be at risk. So if your child tells you something that makes you genuinely concerned about their safety, don’t assume that the Head of Year is necessarily the right person. The safeguarding team may need to know. And I want to make something very clear here. Safeguarding is not something to be frightened of. The purpose of safeguarding is to protect children. If your child tells you something serious, your first responsibility is their safety.
The Attendance Officer
Then there is the attendance team or attendance officer. You might think: “Why would I need to speak to them? They’re just concerned about whether my child is coming to school.” But attendance can sometimes be a symptom of a much bigger problem. Your child may not be refusing school because they are simply lazy. Maybe they are being bullied. Maybe they are experiencing anxiety. Maybe they have undiagnosed additional needs. Maybe they are overwhelmed by the school environment. Maybe something has happened at school that they don’t want to tell you about. Maybe they are struggling socially. So if your child’s attendance suddenly starts dropping, don’t just ask: “Why aren’t you going to school?” Ask: “What is happening at school that makes you not want to go?” And speak to the attendance team as well. Attendance data can sometimes be an early indicator that something is wrong.
The Examinations Officer
You may also encounter the Examinations Officer, particularly as your child gets older. Their role is much more specific. They deal with the administration and organisation of examinations, including GCSEs and other formal assessments. For a child with additional needs, however, examinations can raise questions around access arrangements. These can include arrangements such as extra time, rest breaks or other adjustments where the relevant criteria are met. So if your child has additional needs and you are approaching GCSEs or other formal examinations, don’t leave this conversation until the week before the exam. Ask the school early: “Does my child need any examination access arrangements?” The school will need to assess and evidence whether your child meets the relevant requirements, but it is worth having the conversation early.
The Headteacher
Then there is the Headteacher. The Headteacher is ultimately responsible for the leadership and management of the school. Now, I want to say something here. You don’t necessarily need to email the Headteacher every time your child gets a detention. There are structures within schools for a reason. But sometimes a problem has become sufficiently serious or complex that it needs senior leadership involvement. Perhaps you have repeatedly raised concerns and nothing appears to be changing. Perhaps there is a significant issue affecting your child’s education. Perhaps you have gone through the appropriate channels and still feel that the problem hasn’t been resolved. In those circumstances, escalation may be appropriate. And remember: Escalation doesn’t have to mean confrontation. You can say: “I’ve raised this concern several times and I’m still worried about my child’s situation. Could this please be reviewed by a member of the senior leadership team?” That is very different from walking into the school and shouting at somebody. You can advocate for your child without becoming aggressive.
The School Counsellor
Many secondary schools also have access to a school counsellor. The exact arrangement varies considerably from school to school. Some schools employ counsellors directly. Others commission counselling services or have practitioners who attend on particular days. In Reading, for example, some schools may work with external counselling providers, including Number 5. A school counsellor can provide a confidential therapeutic space where appropriate for a young person to talk about things such as anxiety, relationships, bereavement, emotional difficulties, bullying and other issues. But remember that counselling is not the same as safeguarding. If a young person discloses information indicating that they or somebody else may be at risk of harm, the counsellor has safeguarding responsibilities. So don’t think: “If my child tells the counsellor something, nobody will ever know.” Confidentiality has limits when there are serious concerns about safety.
Mental Health Support Teams
You may also come across something called a Mental Health Support Team, or MHST. These teams work with schools and colleges to support children and young people with their mental health and emotional wellbeing. They can provide interventions, advice and support around certain mental health difficulties, and can also work with school staff and parents. Again, the exact service available depends upon the local area and the individual school. So if your child’s mental health is deteriorating, ask: “Does this school have access to a Mental Health Support Team?” You might be surprised by what is available.
Educational Psychologists
Some schools and local authorities also have access to educational psychologists. An educational psychologist is a specialist professional who looks at children’s learning, development and psychological needs in educational contexts. They can help schools understand why a child might be struggling and what changes or interventions could help. And this is important: An educational psychologist isn’t simply somebody who “tests your child.” Their work can involve understanding learning, cognition, behaviour, social and emotional development and the interaction between the child and their environment. Their involvement can therefore be particularly useful when a child’s difficulties are complex.
External Organisations
Now, here’s something else that I think many parents don’t realise. Schools can sometimes have access to funding or partnerships that allow them to bring in external organisations and activities to support pupils. And I want you to ask about this. Don’t assume that because you haven’t been told about something, it doesn’t exist. A school might have access to mentoring. They might have youth workers. They might have sports programmes. They might bring in organisations that work specifically with boys. They might have boxing or fitness programmes. They might have coaches. They might have programmes around emotional regulation, confidence, resilience, relationships or behaviour. For some boys, sitting in a room talking about their emotions for an hour isn’t necessarily the first thing that gets them to engage. They might engage through football. They might engage through boxing. They might engage through music. They might engage through gaming. They might engage through a trusted male mentor. The activity isn’t necessarily the therapy. Sometimes the activity is the bridge to the relationship. And once the relationship is established, the young person may finally feel safe enough to talk. So ask the school: “What additional programmes or external support are available for my son?” You might find that there is something available that you simply didn’t know about.
The Governors
Then there are the school governors, or the governing body. Governors have an important role in the strategic oversight and governance of the school. They are not there to deal with every individual problem a parent has. So you shouldn’t necessarily go straight to the governors because your child received a detention. But governors can become relevant when you are concerned about wider school policies, governance, leadership or whether appropriate procedures are being followed. There will usually be established procedures for raising complaints, so understand those procedures before deciding how to escalate an issue.
And Then There Are the Teachers
And, of course, I haven’t forgotten the people who spend a huge amount of time with your child: their teachers. Sometimes parents become so focused on the senior people in the school that they forget to speak to the person actually standing in front of their child in the classroom. Your child’s maths teacher might notice something that their Head of Year doesn’t. Their English teacher might notice that they have stopped completing work. Their PE teacher might notice that they are becoming increasingly isolated. Their science teacher might notice that they become overwhelmed by noise. Every teacher sees a slightly different version of your child. So don’t underestimate the information you can get by simply asking: “How is my child doing in your lesson?” And don’t only ask: “Are they behaving?” Ask: “Are they learning?” “Are they engaging?” “Do they seem happy?” “Do they have friends?” “Do you notice anything different about them?” Those questions can tell you much more.
So, Who Should I Speak To?
If you’re sitting there thinking: “Cassim, you’ve just given me about fifteen different people. Who do I actually contact?” Here is my simple starting point. If it is primarily about learning or special educational needs, speak to the SENCO. If it is primarily about attendance, speak to the attendance team and also explore why your child isn’t attending. If it is primarily about behaviour or issues across the year group, speak to the Head of Year. If it is primarily about your child’s emotional wellbeing, ask about the school counselling service, pastoral team or Mental Health Support Team, depending on what your school has available. If it is about your child’s safety, speak to the Designated Safeguarding Lead or Deputy DSL. If it is about exams or access arrangements, speak to the school’s exams team and the relevant SEN staff.
If you are not sure where to start? Start with the tutor or Head of Year and ask them to point you in the right direction. You don’t have to know the entire structure of the school. You just need to know enough to ask: “Who is the right person to speak to about this?” And that is one of the biggest things I want you to take away from this entire section. You are not supposed to be an expert in the education system. You are a parent. Your job isn’t to know every job title. Your job is to recognise when your child is struggling and to keep asking questions until you find the person who can help. And sometimes that means making a phone call. Sometimes it means sending an email. Sometimes it means attending a meeting. Sometimes it means asking for another meeting. And sometimes it means saying: “I’m not satisfied that my child’s needs are being met.
What can we do next?” You don’t need to shout. You don’t need to threaten anybody. You don’t need to know every piece of legislation. You need to be persistent. Because your child’s education is too important to leave entirely to chance. And remember something else: The school is not your enemy. You and the school should, ideally, be on the same side. You both want the child to succeed. You may disagree about how to get there. You may have different perspectives. You may even have moments where you become frustrated with each other. But keep bringing the conversation back to the same question: “What does this child need, and how can we work together to give it to them?” That is where the conversation should begin. And that is where it should keep returning.