When men start therapy in Reading, they often believe their current struggles are simply the result of their past. This belief shows up in daily life, feeling stuck in habits, repeating old patterns in relationships, or dealing with guilt or regret that seems tied to earlier experiences. These feelings can make it seem like the past is holding them back, making change feel impossible. Philosopher Alan Watts pointed out that time is hard to define, quoting Saint Augustine of Hippo, who said he knew what time was until someone asked him to explain it.
In our ordinary, common-sense worldview, we treat time as a one-way street running from the past, through the present, and into the future. This linear model carries a heavy psychological cost because it convinces us that what happens right now is strictly the result of what happened yesterday, last year, or in early childhood.
In the early decades of psychological theory, practitioners spoke frequently of human instincts, such as the instinct for survival or the instinct for connection. Over time, that language shifted toward the concept of biological and psychological drives.
This terminology is revealing because to speak of being driven implies a fundamental passivity, as if we are constantly being pushed from behind by forces beyond our immediate control.
When a man in counselling describes himself as driven by anxiety, driven by anger, or driven by past trauma, he is framing his current experience as a passive reaction to historical causes.
If we instead identify directly with our present desires and actions, acknowledging that they represent who we are right now rather than merely what was done to us, we begin to loosen the grip of historical determinism.
A simple way to practice this shift is to pause for a moment and gently ask yourself, “What am I experiencing in this moment?” Notice any feelings, bodily sensations, or urges as they arise. Then, consider what choice you want to make right now, independent of past habits or stories. Even just noticing your breath or the position of your hands can anchor you to the present, reinforcing the understanding that who you are is always unfolding in this moment.
What Is the Logical Fallacy Behind Cause and Effect in Human History?
The feeling of being a passive product of one’s past relies on a deeply ingrained belief in linear causality, the idea that discrete past events strictly dictate present realities.
To break this pattern, we must examine what actually constitutes an event. Consider the question of when a human life begins.
Does it begin at the moment of birth, at conception, or when the reproductive cells are formed in the parents?
We select the moment of birth for legal registration, but that is an arbitrary boundary agreed upon for societal convenience.
In the physical world, spatial boundaries are similarly arbitrary. We might define the size of the sun by the edge of its visible flame, or by the reach of its heat, or by the extent of its light throughout the solar system.
The boundaries we assign to objects and historical events are human constructs rather than fixed features of nature.
We say that the First World War began in 1914 and ended in 1918, yet the political, economic, and psychological dynamics that led to that conflict began long before 1914, and its repercussions extend well past 1918.
In human experience, events are not isolated billiard balls knocking into one another. Life flows continuously like a river.
A whirlpool in a river appears to be a distinct object, but if you return to it tomorrow, the water forming it has completely changed. The whirlpool is not a static thing, but an ongoing process of pooling.
In the same way, human identity is an ongoing process rather than a static entity formed in the past.
When we isolate past memories and label them as the sole causes of our current psychological state, we forget that we created those conceptual boundaries ourselves.
How Does the Analogy of the Snake Clarify the Fallacy of Historical Determinism?
To illustrate how we misinterpret sequential experience as cause and effect, imagine looking at the world through a narrow slit in a wooden fence.
If a snake crawls past the opening, you will first see its head, followed by a long slithering body, and finally its tail.
If you have never seen a snake before, you might conclude that the event of the head caused the event of the tail.
However, when you step back from the fence and view the entire creature, you realise it is a single, unified entity that comes into existence all at once. The head does not cause the tail; they are both integral parts of the same underlying reality.
The Narrow Slit Perspective (Linear Causality)
When looking at life through a narrow conceptual “slit,” events appear sequentially. You see the head of the snake first, followed later by the tail. Because the head always precedes the tail, the mind creates a causal link, concluding that the past event (the head) is the active cause of the present event (the tail).
In psychology and everyday life, this manifests as historical determinism. A person views their current emotional struggles, behaviours, or choices as the inevitable “tail” pushed into existence by the “head” of past trauma, childhood conditioning, or historical decisions. This framing often leaves people feeling passive, driven, or trapped by their history.
The Full Perspective (Unified Present)
When you step back from the fence and view the entire system at once, the illusion of sequential cause-and-effect vanishes. The head does not “cause” the tail; rather, both are integral, simultaneous parts of a single, continuous entity: a head-tailed snake that exists all at once.
In a counselling context, this shift in perspective moves a person from being a passive product of history to an active participant in the present:
- From Cause to Continuity: Past events provide context and form, but they do not act as a mechanical force driving your current choices from behind.
- Present Agency: Just as the power driving a ship comes from the engine room right now—not from the wake trailing behind it—your agency and capacity for change exist entirely in the present moment.
- Integration: Rather than trying to erase or be victimised by the past, you recognise history and present experience as parts of a single continuous reality that you are actively living out right now.
In psychotherapy, men often view their lives through that narrow slit in the fence. They perceive past events as separate causes that inevitably produce their present suffering.
When a client assumes that his current relationship difficulties or workplace stress are caused entirely by past childhood conditions, he is treating the head of the snake as the cause of the tail.
While historical events certainly provide context, viewing them as absolute causes turns the individual into a puppet of history, moving through life as if pushed entirely by momentum from behind.
Why Is the Ship’s Wake an Effective Model for Therapeutic Change?
A more accurate metaphor for the passage of time is the relationship between an ocean vessel and its wake.
As a ship moves through the sea, it leaves a long trailing wake behind it. The wake demonstrates precisely where the vessel has been, expanding and eventually dissolving into the vast ocean behind it.
Yet no one looking at a ship would suggest that the wake is driving the boat forward. The power that propels the ship originates right now in the engine room, located in the present structure of the vessel.
The Wake (Past Dissolution) represents your memory, history, past mistakes, and former choices. It stretches behind you, showing where the ship has been, before fading into the ocean. The crucial reality is that the wake contains no energy or steering power of its own—it is an after-effect that cannot push or turn the ship.
The Engine (Present Engine) represents your present awareness, immediate intentions, and active choices right now. It is the sole source of all motion, powering the ship forward and giving you the power to change direction at any moment, regardless of how long or straight the trail behind you happens to be.
In therapeutic settings, individuals often pass responsibility for their present choices backward along their personal history.
When a person experiences difficulty, society may blame their upbringing, the parents may point to their own neurotic parents, and that chain of blame can be traced back through generations indefinitely.
Passing blame backward explains nothing because it simply postpones the explanation, placing the ultimate cause further and further into the past.
The serpent in the ancient garden story offers a subtle psychological lesson on this dynamic. When confronted about breaking the boundary, Eve blamed the serpent for tempting her.
The serpent made no excuses because, in the metaphorical sense, it understood where present responsibility actually begins.
If you choose to view yourself as entirely determined by your history, that is a conceptual framework you are maintaining right now.
In reality, your thoughts, feelings, and behavioural choices are emerging out of the present moment, generated by the active engine of your current awareness.
How Does Experiencing the Present Moment Shift Our Sense of Agency?
To directly experience how the present operates independently of the past, we can alter how we pay attention to our sensory input.
If you close your eyes and focus exclusively on listening, you will notice that sounds emerge directly out of silence.
A sound appears, resonates, and then fades away into memory. You do not see a physical mechanism pushing the sound into existence; it simply arises from nothingness in the present moment.
While visual objects appear static, modern physics reminds us that light and matter are rapid dynamic vibrations occurring right now. The physical world you observe is constantly renewing itself, emerging out of space in the present moment just as a sound emerges from silence.
When men in therapy learn to ground themselves in immediate sensory awareness, they discover that their thoughts and emotions are also dynamic events emerging in the present rather than heavy relics fixed in the past. One simple technique to begin this process is the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding practice. Pause for a moment and look around you: notice five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. Alternatively, you might focus all your attention on your breath as it moves in and out, or listen carefully to the sounds in your environment, letting each sensation anchor you to the here and now. These grounding exercises invite a direct connection to the present moment, allowing awareness to shift from stories about the past to fresh, unfolding experience.
When we explain our present behaviour to others, we often construct a neat narrative linking our current choices to past events. We do this primarily to maintain social consistency and reassure others that we are predictable and rational.
However, constructing a logical story after the fact is not the same as being driven by that story.
You do not sing or engage in creative life simply because of past programming; you do it because of present vitality.
Real psychological liberation occurs when you stop defining yourself by what you have done in the past and begin defining yourself by what you are choosing right now. At the same time, this does not mean dismissing or minimising the importance of your personal history. Honouring your past experiences, including moments of pain and struggle, is an essential part of understanding yourself with compassion. This might include reflecting on your journey through journaling, sharing your memories with a therapist or trusted friend, or finding meaning in challenging moments so they inform greater self-awareness. The key is to recognise that while the past has shaped you, it does not have to dictate your present agency or limit the choices available to you now. By shifting your attention from the wake to the engine room, you regain agency over your life, stepping out of the passive position of being a dog wagged by its tail.