Why Do Men Commit More Domestic Violence Than Women?
Domestic violence is often spoken about in hushed tones, as if the truth is too uncomfortable to face. Yet the statistics are clear: men commit the majority of severe domestic abuse cases worldwide. But why? Is it biology, culture, psychology, or a combination of all three?
As a psychotherapist who has worked with hundreds of men across Britain, I’ve seen the patterns, the stories, and the unseen pressures that can drive a man to harm the people he’s supposed to love. This isn’t about excusing violence—it’s about understanding it, because without understanding, change is almost impossible.
In this blog, I want to explore the root causes, the societal factors, and the personal struggles that contribute to male domestic violence. We’ll look beyond stereotypes, challenge myths, and confront uncomfortable truths—because if we want to stop the cycle, we need to see it clearly.
First and foremost, it’s really important for people to understand, and we’ll explore this in detail, that many men who come into my therapy room—men who are being accused of being abusers, narcissists, or of isolating their partners through coercive control—often have no real awareness of the full extent of their behavior. As harsh as that may sound, the truth is that the vast majority of these men genuinely do not realize the harm they are causing. Many of them want to stop, they want to change, but for a variety of reasons, they cannot do it alone.
One of the most powerful aspects of therapy, and one of the reasons it can be life-changing, is that the first step is often not immediate transformation. Change is important, of course, but before change can happen, awareness must come first. Before a man can talk openly about coercive control, abusive behaviors, or patterns of manipulation, he has to understand what those behaviors actually look like in his life and how they affect those around him. This process requires an environment free from shame, judgment, dismissal, or humiliation. Only when a man feels safe to explore these behaviours openly can genuine understanding and, ultimately, change begin.
Therapy provides that space. It allows men to name behaviors they have normalized, to confront patterns they may have inherited or learned, and to begin seeing themselves clearly for the first time. Awareness alone can be revolutionary because it is the foundation upon which real change is built. Without awareness, there can be no transformation; without understanding, the cycle of harm often continues.
Part of this self-awareness is what’s called psychoeducation. It’s important to understand that many boys and men do not recognise the seriousness of behaviours like stalking. Often, they think, “It’s not that big of a deal,” because they see it solely from their own perspective, not from the woman’s perspective.
In working with men to help them reach awareness—which, as I said, can sometimes be the primary goal—therapy is not always about transformation or immediate change. Sometimes the goal is simply awareness, education, and understanding.
This is especially true when working with men who have strong fixed traits formed during childhood. These traits are often deeply ingrained, and in many cases, they cannot change. All of us know someone who, for years or even decades, we’ve tried to help by showing empathy, understanding, and kindness, only to realise that they remain unchanged.
For many men and boys, change is not appealing because their current behaviours “work” for them. Or they have not been offered an alternative that guarantees the same effectiveness for both their image, status, and internal sense of control. If change brings uncertainty or a perceived loss of control—even if it increases the safety and well-being of those around them—they often see it as a loss, not a win.
When I work with men in therapy, a central part of my role is helping them understand, from multiple perspectives—their mother’s, their sister’s, the legal perspective—what their actions actually mean. Many of them simply do not know the full impact of their behaviour.
What is domestic violence?
The UK government’s definition of domestic violence is ‘any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are, or have been, intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. Domestic violence is more than just physical assault. It includes emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, financial manipulation, sexual coercion, and controlling behaviors. A partner who belittles, isolates, or monitors you is engaging in abuse, even if no visible injuries occur.
Statistics and Data
In the year ending March 2025, 7.8% of people in England and Wales, around 3.8 million individuals, experienced domestic abuse. Women are disproportionately affected, making up roughly two-thirds of victims, with 9.5% of women and 6.5% of men experiencing abuse in the last year. A significant and persistent issue is domestic homicide, with 108 domestic homicides recorded in the year ending March 2024, 83 of which were women, according to the NCDV. According to the UK Office for National Statistics, 75% of reported domestic abuse cases involve male perpetrators. Globally, the World Health Organization reports that one in three women experiences intimate partner violence, with men overwhelmingly responsible for the most severe injuries. These statistics aren’t about demonizing men—they highlight patterns and risk factors that need addressing to protect families and break cycles of abuse.
So why do men commit and use domestic violence?
Power, Control, and Gender Norms
Across many societies, there are deeply entrenched beliefs about how men and women are “supposed” to behave. Men are often socialized to be dominant, assertive, and in control, while women are encouraged to be compliant, nurturing, and accommodating. These gender norms are reinforced from childhood through family structures, media portrayals, education, and peer groups, creating a framework in which power is unevenly distributed within relationships.
When men perceive that their authority or status is being questioned—whether in intimate relationships, at work, or even socially—violence can emerge as a tool to reassert control. This isn’t always conscious; for many, aggression is a learned response rooted in fear, insecurity, or frustration. Patriarchal systems, in turn, often normalize or excuse male aggression while stigmatizing women who display the same behaviours. A man who “snaps” is often seen as passionate or protective, whereas a woman who expresses anger may be labeled hysterical, unreasonable, or disruptive.
This dynamic is further complicated by cultural messaging around masculinity. From an early age, boys are taught to suppress vulnerability, dismiss emotional expression, and measure worth through dominance and strength. These lessons can create a feedback loop in which men feel compelled to control situations, including their partners, to maintain a sense of self-worth. When they fail to achieve that control through communication or compromise, some resort to coercion, intimidation, or violence as a mechanism to reclaim authority.
Socialization of Emotions
From a young age, boys and girls are often socialized to experience and express emotions very differently. Boys are frequently encouraged to suppress vulnerability, to “toughen up,” or to see sadness, fear, or shame as signs of weakness. Instead, anger becomes an acceptable—and sometimes celebrated—emotional outlet. This pattern can inadvertently normalize aggression as a primary method of expressing frustration or asserting control, creating a foundation for potential violent behavior later in life.
Girls, by contrast, are more often encouraged to communicate their feelings verbally, seek emotional support, and regulate conflict without resorting to physical aggression. They are rewarded for empathy, collaboration, and relational problem-solving. These gendered expectations shape emotional literacy across the lifespan, often leaving boys less equipped to process complex feelings in healthy ways.
Research supports this pattern. A study published in Child Development found that boys who are taught to hide vulnerability are more likely to externalize stress through aggression or antisocial behavior, while girls who are encouraged to express emotions internally may develop more adaptive coping strategies (Brody & Hall, 2008). Similarly, a 2022 review in Aggression and Violent Behavior highlighted that emotional suppression in men is strongly correlated with higher rates of domestic violence and relational conflict.
The societal expectation that men must always be strong and in control, coupled with limited opportunities to explore or express emotions safely, reinforces a cycle where anger becomes a “default” response. Boys may never be taught practical alternatives for coping with fear, rejection, or sadness. When left unchecked, these emotional habits can escalate into coercive or violent behaviors in adulthood—not because men are inherently violent, but because they have been conditioned to manage distress in maladaptive ways.
Physical Differences
One of the more straightforward—but often overlooked—factors in understanding why men commit more visible acts of domestic violence is physicality. On average, men possess greater muscle mass and physical strength than women. This difference means that when conflict escalates, men’s violent actions are more likely to result in serious injuries, visible harm, or long-term trauma. Consequently, incidents involving male perpetrators are overrepresented in hospital records, police reports, and domestic violence statistics.
It’s important to note that this is not about inherent aggression or moral failing; it’s about the impact of physical power combined with societal and emotional conditioning. Even if both partners engage in aggressive behavior, the outcomes are rarely symmetrical. For example, a slap or shove from a man is statistically more likely to cause injury than the same act from a woman, making male violence more visible and more legally actionable.
Research confirms this pattern. A 2014 study published in Partner Abuse found that although women can and do use violence in intimate relationships, male-perpetrated violence is significantly more likely to result in hospital treatment and legal intervention due to the severity of physical harm. Similarly, the World Health Organization highlights that male-perpetrated intimate partner violence accounts for the vast majority of severe injuries and fatalities worldwide.
Understanding physical differences also intersects with other social and psychological dynamics. Men who have been socialized to assert control, combined with physical strength, can unintentionally—or intentionally—wield that power to dominate, intimidate, or enforce compliance. This is why strategies for reducing domestic violence must address not only emotional regulation and gender norms but also the responsibilities that come with physical strength.
Entitlement and Misogyny
Another key factor in why men are more often perpetrators of domestic violence is a sense of entitlement. Some men grow up internalizing the belief that, in relationships, they are entitled to control their partner’s behavior, choices, finances, and even social interactions. This entitlement is often reinforced by societal norms, cultural messages, or family dynamics that glorify male dominance and discourage challenges to male authority.
When a man’s perceived authority is questioned—whether his partner asserts independence, challenges his decisions, or expresses dissatisfaction—he may respond with aggression or violence as a way to “reassert” control. This is not merely about anger; it is about maintaining a power imbalance that they believe is theirs by right. Research on coercive control highlights that domestic abuse is rarely about isolated incidents of physical violence; it is often about ongoing patterns of intimidation, monitoring, and manipulation designed to keep one partner subordinate.
Psychological studies suggest that feelings of inadequacy, fear of loss of status, or challenges to masculinity can exacerbate this sense of entitlement. Men who have been socialized to tie their self-worth to dominance or control may struggle to manage conflict without resorting to aggression. In therapy, one of the first steps is helping men recognize these patterns, not as moral condemnation, but as learned behaviors that can be unlearned. Awareness alone, when combined with guidance and support, can be transformative, allowing men to manage feelings of entitlement without harming their partners.
Stress, Substance Use, and Trauma
Alcohol and drugs are often contributing factors in domestic violence because they lower inhibitions, impair judgment, and amplify aggression. While substance use alone does not cause violence, it can make men more likely to act on impulses or long-standing patterns of control.
For many men, unresolved trauma—particularly from childhood abuse, neglect, or exposure to domestic violence—plays a central role in how they respond to conflict. Trauma can create deeply ingrained coping mechanisms, including aggression, as a way to regain a sense of power or control that was absent in early life. Men may unconsciously reenact the very behaviors they experienced or witnessed as children, repeating cycles of violence that they themselves suffered.
Therapeutically, the challenge is twofold: helping men recognize how substances amplify aggressive tendencies, and uncovering the roots of trauma that fuel those behaviors. Awareness, psychoeducation, and trauma-informed interventions can give men alternative strategies for managing anger and conflict, reducing reliance on violence as a coping mechanism.
Importantly, addressing trauma and substance use is not about excusing violent behavior; it’s about understanding the underlying dynamics so men can take responsibility for their actions while learning safer, healthier ways to respond to stress, frustration, and relational conflict.
Underreporting of Female Violence
It is important to acknowledge that women do commit acts of domestic violence. However, patterns, context, and impact differ significantly from male-perpetrated violence. Women’s violence is more likely to occur in self-defense, as a reaction to ongoing abuse, or during intense emotional conflict, rather than as a sustained strategy to exert control.
Men, by contrast, are more likely to cause serious physical harm due to differences in strength and the use of violence to enforce control. This disparity is reflected in statistics: male-perpetrated violence is more often reported, results in injuries that require medical attention, and involves police intervention.
At the same time, male victims are less likely to report abuse due to stigma, fear of ridicule, or assumptions that men should be able to “handle” conflict without seeking help. This underreporting creates an imbalance in how domestic violence is recorded and understood, sometimes giving the impression that men are exclusively perpetrators and women exclusively victims, when the reality is more nuanced.
Recognizing these dynamics does not minimize the harm caused by men; rather, it provides a more complete picture of domestic violence, highlighting the importance of context, intent, and impact when analyzing patterns of abuse.
Cultural Scripts about Masculinity
In many cultures, masculinity is closely tied to toughness, dominance, and the ability to control one’s environment. Boys are often taught that being a “real man” means not showing vulnerability, always standing their ground, and asserting authority—sometimes through intimidation or aggression. For example, in some households, a young boy might be told, “Boys don’t cry,” or “If you can’t handle it, you’re weak.” Over time, this teaches that expressing fear, sadness, or uncertainty is unacceptable, while anger is seen as the appropriate outlet.
When other aspects of identity, such as career success, social respect, or financial stability, feel threatened, some men may unconsciously use violence as a way to “prove” their masculinity. For instance, a man who feels disrespected at work may return home and lash out at his partner to reassert control. Similarly, a partner questioning financial decisions or household authority can trigger a violent response in a man who equates dominance with self-worth.
This is not an excuse for abuse, but it helps explain why male violence can be more prevalent: it is sometimes a misguided response to perceived loss of status, power, or control. For example, in some communities, men may feel societal pressure to “keep their family in line” while simultaneously being told they must be successful providers. If they feel they are failing in one area—career, reputation, or respect—they may attempt to reclaim authority at home.
So while men aren’t naturally more violent, the combination of gender roles, social conditioning, access to power, and physical differences means that men are statistically more likely to be perpetrators of domestic violence.
Things to Consider
Intersectionality
Not all men or women experience domestic violence the same way. Race, class, age, and sexuality all intersect with abuse risk. For example, young men from marginalized communities may face additional stressors such as systemic disadvantage, trauma, and social isolation. These compounded pressures can exacerbate violent behaviors, while women in these communities may encounter barriers to reporting abuse or accessing support. Understanding these intersections is essential to creating effective prevention and intervention strategies.
Cycle of Violence
Domestic violence may seem unpredictable, simply an outburst related just to the moment and to the circumstances in the lives of the people involved. In fact, however, domestic violence follows a typical pattern no matter when it occurs or who is involved. The pattern, or cycle, repeats; each time the level of his violence may increase. At every stage in the cycle, the abuser is fully in control of himself and is working to control and further isolate his victim. The cycle of violence—tension building, incident, reconciliation, calm—often traps both partners in patterns of harm. Exposure to violence in childhood can normalize abusive behavior, making men more likely to repeat these patterns as adults. Understanding the cycle helps victims, families, and communities recognize warning signs early and intervene before harm escalates.
There are three stages to the cycle of violence:
First is the tension building phase. In this phase, the batterer gets edgy and tension begins to build up. This is where the battered person may feel like they are walking on eggshells.
Second is the actual explosion phase where the physical abuse occurs. It can last from a few minutes to several hours.
Third is the honeymoon phase. The perpetrator may be sorry or act like nothing happened; but is still interested in making up and may even promise never to do it again. However, the tension almost always starts to build again, thus continuing the cycle.
Here is an example: A man abuses his partner. After he hits her, he experiences self-directed guilt. He says, “I’m sorry for hurting you.” What he does not say is, “Because I might get caught.”
He then rationalizes his behavior by saying that his partner is having an affair with someone. He tells her “If you weren’t such a worthless whore I wouldn’t have to hit you.” He then acts contrite, reassuring her that he will not hurt her again.
He then fantasizes and reflects on past abuse and how he will hurt her again. He plans on telling her to go to the store to get some groceries. What he withholds from her is that she has a certain amount of time to do the shopping. When she is held up in traffic and is a few minutes late, he feels completely justified in assaulting her because “you’re having an affair with the store clerk.” He has just set her up.
Psychological Theories
Frameworks like coercive control, social learning theory, and attachment theory help explain why abuse persists across generations. Men who witness or experience violence may internalize these behaviors as “normal” responses to conflict. Attachment disruptions in childhood, such as neglect or emotional unavailability, can also predispose men to control and aggression in adulthood. By understanding these psychological mechanisms, we see that domestic violence is often a learned behavior, not simply a moral failing.
Practical Advice and Resources
Change is possible, but men cannot do it alone. Therapy, psychoeducation, and anger management programs provide safe spaces to recognize and address harmful behaviors. Support networks also play a key role. In the UK, organizations like Refuge, Women’s Aid, and the Men’s Advice Line offer guidance for both victims and perpetrators seeking help. Accessing these resources can break intergenerational cycles of abuse and foster healthier relationships.
Female-Perpetrated Violence Context
It’s important to acknowledge that women can and do commit acts of domestic violence, often in self-defense or reaction to prolonged abuse. Men are less likely to report being victimized due to stigma or societal expectations, which skews public perception and statistics. Recognizing this nuance does not diminish male-perpetrated violence—it simply presents a more accurate and comprehensive picture of intimate partner dynamics.
Cultural and Media Influences
Media, cultural norms, and social messaging often reinforce male dominance and aggression. From films glorifying “tough” men to music promoting control over women, societal cues can normalize harmful behaviors. Boys learn that asserting power through intimidation or force is acceptable, while showing vulnerability is punished socially. By addressing these cultural influences, we can begin to reshape expectations around masculinity and reduce domestic violence at a societal level.
How Therapy Can Help Men Stop Domestic Violence
Domestic violence is a cycle that can be difficult to break alone. Many men want to stop hurting their partners but don’t know where to start, often because they lack awareness of their behavior or its impact. This is where therapy can play a crucial role. At Male Minds Counselling, we provide a safe, non-judgmental space for men to explore their emotions, understand the patterns that lead to abusive behaviors, and develop healthier ways to relate to their partners.
Therapy helps men recognize the signs of coercive control, emotional abuse, and aggression in their own lives. Through psychoeducation and guided reflection, clients gain insight into how childhood experiences, societal pressures, and ingrained beliefs about masculinity influence their actions. Awareness alone can be transformative, serving as the first step toward meaningful change.
At Male Minds Counselling, we use evidence-based approaches to support men in managing anger, improving emotional regulation, and learning communication skills that prevent conflict from escalating into violence. Therapy also addresses underlying issues such as trauma, substance use, and entitlement, helping men understand their triggers and respond in constructive ways.
Importantly, therapy for men is not about shame or blame—it’s about taking responsibility, building self-awareness, and creating safer, healthier relationships. Men who engage in counselling often report improved relationships, reduced aggression, and a stronger sense of personal control without resorting to violence.
If you or someone you know is struggling with anger or abusive behaviors, professional support can make a difference. Male Minds Counselling offers tailored programs for men across Britain, helping to break the cycle of domestic violence and foster positive, respectful partnerships.
Cassim