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He’s 14, She’s 24: Legally Abused, But He Says He Enjoyed It – Boys, Abuse, and the Silent Impact on Adult Relationships

I’m sitting across from a client, sometimes a grown adult, sometimes a teenager. They share something like, “I’ve always liked older women,” or “My first sexual experience was with someone much older.” I ask for a little more detail. Sometimes the client shares that the person was a parent, an uncle, or an adult family friend. Other times, it’s a non-family adult, thier best friends older sister, a girl they started talking to on snap or someone in their late 20s or 30s they met in a shop. You might be surprised, and even shocked, at how many boys and men I’ve sat across from in therapy who were, by legal definitions, sexually assaulted as children or teenagers, yet describe the experience as one of the best sexual experiences of their lives. They say they would do it again in a heartbeat, and they don’t identify it as traumatic. In contrast, I have never, in my counselling practice, heard a female client describe a similar scenario in that way. This raises an important question: if a boy or young man is sexually abused but does not perceive it as traumatic or a violation, does it still affect him? At first glance, these statements seem innocuous, even consensual. But as a psychotherapist, I know that early sexual contact with an adult carries complex psychological dynamics. The adult-child power imbalance is central: children’s brains, particularly in areas governing impulse control, emotional regulation, and relational reasoning, are still developing. Even when a boy experiences pleasure, excitement, or curiosity during these encounters, the experience can disrupt healthy sexual, emotional, and relational development.
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If he hated what his father did to him, why on earth would he repeat it? The Impact of Growing Up With a Violent Dad On A Boy

Why do some men repeat the very violence they hated from their fathers? Research shows mothers may hit more often, but when fathers are violent, the impact on boys is deeper and long-lasting. This blog explores what “violent father” really means, why boys often minimise maternal abuse but vividly remember paternal violence, and how a father’s aggression shapes identity, masculinity, and relationships for life. Most importantly, it unpacks the painful question: If he hated it so much, why does he repeat it?

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What Is a Twin Flame? From Ancient Origins to Narcissistic and Bipolar Relationship Dynamics

A twin flame is a spiritual concept that describes an intense soul connection between two people, often believed to be two halves of the same soul split into two bodies. The idea is that twin flames mirror each other’s strengths, weaknesses, and unresolved wounds, which makes the connection feel magnetic but also deeply challenging. Unlike a soulmate (who is often framed as a harmonious companion), a twin flame is said to push you into personal growth, healing, and transformation—sometimes through conflict and separation.

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Why Teenage Boys & Men Self-Harm and How to Get Help

Self-harm among boys and young men often hides in plain sight. What looks like aggression, “accidents” or risk-taking? It might be a cry for help. My latest Substack post explores how the NHS assesses such cases, the hidden forms self-harm men use, and why so many suffer in silence. Consider this: around 1 in 10 young men (16–24) have self-harmed at some point, and nearly 9% of adult men (16–74) have done so in their lifetime. These figures likely miss a lot, especially when self-harm shows up as punching walls, over-exercising, dangerous drinking, or risky stunts. The truth is men are hurtin, but not always where we expect to look. (Source: cassimkaweesa.substack.com) From a psychotherapeutic viewpoint, self-harm often serves as an emotional release when boys or men aren’t allowed or can’t find words to express pain. It’s not attention-seeking; it’s coping. Real words from a Reddit user: “Yeah I’m sorry… self-harm is normally portrayed as something girls do… I know a lot of men who self-harm struggle with this stereotype and lack of awareness.” They’re not alone and neither are you. If any of this resonates, reach out. Speak to your GP, call Samaritans or Mind, or even drop me at Male Minds Counselling to book an intial free 15 min consultation. You’re not weak for asking for help, even if you think you don’t have the words. Let’s break the silence together. #MensMentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #SelfHarmAwareness #BreakTheStigma #ItsOkayToTalk #EndTheSilence #TeenBoysMatter #YoungMensHealth #BoyTalks #StrongerNotSilent #MaleMentalHealth #YouAreNotAlone #ReachOut #HealingJourney #SpeakUpForMentalHealth #TogetherWeHeal
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