What If Nobody Ever Asked Me What I Needed? The human needs boys can miss, the roles they learn to play, and why therapy can matter to men who have spent decades adapting to everyone else
There is a particular kind of man who walks into therapy and says, “I don’t really know what I’m doing here.” He might be thirty-eight, have a job, children, a house, a relationship, and friends. From the outside, he may look as though he is doing perfectly well. He may even tell you that himself: […]
Deconstructing Queerdom: Exploring sexuality, relationships, masculinity, intimacy, identity and self-worth
Here is a question for you. When did you decide that you were gay? When did you decide that you were bisexual? When did you decide that you were pansexual, queer, or demisexual? And perhaps even more structurally: when did you decide that you were a top? When did you decide that you were a […]
Fear Disguised as Practicality: Mate You Are You Scared
I want to talk to the man who has spent his whole life in fear. You might immediately say: “I’m not frightened.” You might even be slightly offended by the suggestion: “Fear? Me? I’m not scared of anything.” Maybe you live in Caversham, Tilehurst, Woodley, Earley, Wokingham, or somewhere else around Berkshire. You have a […]
I’d Rather Die Than Come Out: When a Man Is Terrified of His Own Sexuality
What if saying “I am gay” feels more frightening than death? Some years ago, I worked with a client who said something I have never forgotten: “I’d rather die than come out as gay.” He did not say it casually. He was not making a political statement, nor was he trying to provoke me; he […]
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